（古詩英譯） 訪散老不遇 – 蘇軾

Beautiful rendition, as always!

"The cypress trees bower thy temple old,
Evening snow adorns the flowers cold."
--- nice verb choices!

说实话，每次读了忘语君的美译，我就觉得自己没必要凑兴了，因为忘语君的美译总是那么考究精致完美。
但我感觉，玩翻译的大都喜欢看不同视角的解读。 故此，我常不吝献丑，也借机玩玩文字游戏。

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赏学忘语君妙译，凑韵：

訪散老不遇 – 蘇軾

君来不遇我，我到不逢君。
古殿依修柏，寒花对暮雪。

I Came to See Elder San, But With No Luck
By Su Shi of Song Dynasty

I was out when you were at th' door,
You are not in when I stop by.
Pine trees set off the hall of yore,
Winter blooms th' twilight snow defy.

Tr. Xishan

Frost 的这首诗好像是 finding without seeking, 可遇却不求。

AABA, BBCB, CCDC, DDDD, 韵脚如潮。


Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
BY ROBERT FROST

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

边君过奖了，我实在是凑韵啊。

一并谢过忘语君在其他线的鼓励。 词到用时方恨少。

多谢忘语君鼓励！ 跟在你后面画瓢。

忘语君好品味。Frost的诗确实耐读。

继续画呗。 Practice makes progress.

Nice try!  Thanks for sharing!

Ask the boy under a pine tree -- I ask the boy under a pine tree (英语主语不能缺, 不然就成了祈使句）

押韵慢慢来，可以琢磨下别人的翻译:
《寻隐者不遇》三种英译

其中的一个版本：

A Call on the Recluse Who Is Just Out

I asked the boy beneath the pine tree,
Who said, “The master’s gone herbs to pick; ----- 把“pick" 的宾语herbs 前置
He must be some where around these cliffs,
Concealed unseen in the clouds thick”. --- “thick clouds" ---> clouds thick  把修饰名词的形容词后置

宾语前置/形容词后置都是英文押韵常用的tricks.

松下问童子 -- "I (the poet)" is the implied subject, is it not? 

賞學邊君與溪山君的美譯！我也湊個熱鬧。

寻隐者不遇 - 贾岛

松下问童子，言师采药去。
只在此山中，云深不知处。

Seeking a Sage yet Failing to Meet Him by Jia Dao

Neath a pine, a boy tells me when I ask...
“Master’s out to do his herbs-picking task,
He’s in the mountain, as for whereabouts?
I don’t know, for everywhere dense clouds mask.”

Tr. Wangyu
09/12/2023

Try and fry…

寻隐者不遇
贾岛

松下问童子，言师采药去。
只在此山中，云深不知处。

Missing the Hermit
Jia Dao

I ask the lad under a pine,
Where is your master, friend of mine?
He definitely has gone to pick herbs in the mountain,
With cloud everywhere, I can’t tell for certain.

太好了！
不意抛砖引玉，我当继续“画圈”！