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Post by rovi297 on Nov 23, 2022 6:15:36 GMT -5
小雪 – (唐)戴叔倫
花雪随风不厌看,更多还肯失林峦。 愁人正在书窗下,一片飞来一片寒。
A Quatrain by Dai Shulun (Minor Snow)
The snowflakes fly in winds I’d fain behold,
All woods and peaks the snow comes to enfold.
Against the windows, I am mesmerized,
A flake falls, a bit more the land feels cold.
Tr. Wangyu (To be revised)
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Post by 溪山 on Nov 24, 2022 3:09:24 GMT -5
忘語君快手! 賞雪賞學。 湊興湊韻: 小雪 – (唐)戴叔倫 花雪随风不厌看,更多还肯失林峦。 愁人正在书窗下,一片飞来一片寒。 The Light Snow by Dai Shu-lun of Tang Dynasty Snowflakes swirling in winds never bore the eyes Lost into woods and hills many a piece flies By th' window of his study, this pensive man Feels th' chill each time a flake flutters down from th' skies Tr. Xishan
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Post by rovi297 on Nov 24, 2022 19:34:07 GMT -5
溪山君譯得漂亮!pensive 是個非常不錯的選詞,讚一個!我再出一版
A Quatrain by Dai Shulun (Minor Snow)
Snowflakes in winds all eye with ever cheer, Some will in woods, hills and dales disappear. Feeling low, I’m by my study windows, A flake brings a nip in the atmosphere.
Tr. Wangyu
Feeling blue or low, which is better? 唐詩中的 空 與 愁 常讓譯者發愁。選擇不同韻腳就會直接影響譯文。
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Post by 溪山 on Nov 25, 2022 3:03:30 GMT -5
多謝忘語君鼓勵。
忘語君新版漂亮! 第二句典型德語句式, 第四句化用 a nip in the air, 讚。 我覺得這裡 feel low 好些。
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Post by rovi297 on Nov 25, 2022 6:29:43 GMT -5
多謝忘語君鼓勵。 忘語君新版漂亮! 第二句典型德語句式, 第四句化用 a nip in the air, 讚。 我覺得這裡 feel low 好些。 謝謝溪山君鼓勵與點評!用了 nip 但還是加了 snake leg, 想了想後覺得還是乾脆 scrap that "cold"吧!我也是覺得 feel low 似乎 比 feel blue 更為妥貼一些。我初版選了 I'd fain behold 為韻,起承轉合,那麼譯到第三句時這個 愁 就有些為難了不是嗎?
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Post by 边 草 on Nov 25, 2022 12:05:13 GMT -5
哈哈,我们就只有看热闹的份喽!
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Post by rovi297 on Nov 29, 2022 20:02:22 GMT -5
哈哈,我们就只有看热闹的份喽! 常言道,旁觀者清,當局者迷,所以還望邊君多指教才是。
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Post by 边 草 on Nov 30, 2022 11:37:14 GMT -5
哪里有指教一说?我在一旁看看,自己觉得算是有点长进罢了。
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