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Post by rovi297 on Nov 20, 2022 16:00:21 GMT -5
小長干曲 - 崔國輔
月暗送湖風，相尋路不通。
菱歌唱不徹，知在此塘中。
A Quatrain by Cui Guofu
(A Tryst on a Whim)
The moon wears veils, the breeze blows from the lake,
Soon I’m lost on a tortuous path I take.
The caltrop ditty tells me she’s nearby,
O let me find her, for my yearning’s sake.
Tr. Wangyu
(To be revised)
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Post by 溪山 on Nov 20, 2022 23:57:53 GMT -5
賞學忘語君好譯！ 流暢自然。 譯得很入境。  小長干曲 - 崔國輔 月暗送湖風，相尋路不通。 菱歌唱不徹，知在此塘中。 A Little Chang-Gan Song by Cui Guofu of Tang Dynasty As the moon fades, winds across the lake blow I look for her, but the trails nowhere go The water caltrop song drifts on and on --- She must be somewhere in the pond I know. Tr. Xishan |
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Post by rovi297 on Nov 21, 2022 19:42:49 GMT -5
賞學忘語君好譯！ 流暢自然。 譯得很入境。 小長干曲 - 崔國輔 月暗送湖風，相尋路不通。 菱歌唱不徹，知在此塘中。 A Little Chang-Gan Song by Cui Guofu of Tang Dynasty As the moon fades, winds across the lake blow I look for her, but the trails nowhere go The water caltrop song drifts on and on --- She must be somewhere in the pond I know. Tr. Xishan 譯得漂亮！我為了湊韻，偏離了原文，變味了。 |
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Post by 溪山 on Nov 22, 2022 1:52:24 GMT -5
多謝忘語君鼓勵！ 你最後一句雖是偏了點，但讀來別有韻味哦。 |
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Post by rovi297 on Nov 22, 2022 5:49:41 GMT -5
多謝忘語君鼓勵！ 你最後一句雖是偏了點，但讀來別有韻味哦。
我修改了一下。
A Quatrain by Cui Guofu
(A Tryst on a Whim)
The moon dons veil, the breeze blows from the lake,
Soon I’m lost on a tortuous path I take.
I know she must be somewhere in the pond,
For the caltrop ditty floats sans a break.
Tr. Wangyu
(To be revised)
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Post by rovi297 on Nov 22, 2022 5:52:45 GMT -5
I hope the word - float could let readers associate with boat picking water caltrop on the lake or pond
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Post by 边 草 on Nov 22, 2022 11:14:06 GMT -5
多謝忘語君鼓勵！ 你最後一句雖是偏了點，但讀來別有韻味哦。 你最後一句雖是偏了點 I did not know!   |
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Post by rovi297 on Nov 22, 2022 17:09:32 GMT -5
再出一版，溪山君看看有何不同韻味？
A Quatrain by Cui Guofu
(A Tryst on a Whim)
The moon turns dark, the breeze ripples the lake,
Soon I’m lost on a tortuous path I take.
It dawns on me she must be here nearby,
For her caltrop ditty floats sans a break.
Tr. Wangyu
(To be revised)
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Post by 溪山 on Nov 23, 2022 0:36:37 GMT -5
忘語君兩版都不錯哦！ 讚！ "I hope the word - float could let readers associate with boat picking water caltrop on the lake or pond" －－－ 哈哈，"float" 更添韻味， 有意象及動感美。 這首詩與"只在此山中，云深不知处" 都是尋人不見， 一禪，一朦朧。 給忘語君的"float" 配首歌： |
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Post by 溪山 on Nov 23, 2022 0:41:39 GMT -5
多謝忘語君鼓勵！ 你最後一句雖是偏了點，但讀來別有韻味哦。 你最後一句雖是偏了點 I did not know! 邊君跟讀認真啊。 |
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